What is a Designed Alliance?
The concept of a Designed Alliance comes from the coaching world. It's a tool used to collaboratively set the stage for a relationship that empowers clients to be optimally successful as they make changes in their work and personal lives. A Designed Alliance is such a powerful tool, we can use it in both professional and personal settings. 

For example, a coach might ask the client to suggest the most effective ways they want to be supported when they are feeling scared, resistant or stuck. Or the client may ask if the coach is or is not ok with being texted between meetings. At its most fundamental, Designing an Alliance creates the opportunity to be held in a co-active relationship. For more information on Co-Active Coaching see this book and this website.
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The purpose of a Designed Alliance is to create a mutually successful relationship and/or experience. It holds a safe and courageous space where vulnerability, change and transformation can occur. ‘Safe’ doesn’t necessarily mean comfortable. We may need to be uncomfortable in order to take risks and grow. In this designed alliance we’re creating the space or environment that supports growth.

Designing an alliance may not be an easy thing to do if you are not used to having your wishes considered and your voice heard. But it's worth practicing, and, when done with a healthy person or group of people, it can serve to create new evidence that your voice, desires and needs have space in this world.
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How it Works
Each person gets to bring to the table everything they want and need, for negotiation, discussion and ultimately alignment. The question is not, who wins, but rather, how can we come into alignment around both (or all) our desires and preferences without any of us compromising fundamental values or needs? If a mutually respectful Designed Alliance cannot be reached, the project or even relationship needs to be re-examined. And once the alliance has been designed, it’s important to update it as individual needs and desires change. In other words, it's not a one-time thing - it should be a living and breathing agreement.
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How to Design an Alliance

• “Setting the container” for the conversation. These are ground rules. Examples include: we each commit to full listening, no judgment and respect. If we feel uncomfortable or not safe, we commit to communicating this in the moment directly. 
• Agree to confidentiality. unless each individual gives explicit permission to the other to share information. This might look like “Is it ok for me to discuss this with the other managers on the team?”
• What does each of you want AND need from the relationship? And keep asking ‘what else do you need?’
  
  For Example
  
  • What do each of us need in this relationship/partnership? 
  • How can we best work together?
  • How should we resolve conflict if and when it occurs?
  • How can we support and celebrate each other?
  • What does success or progress look like for each of us?
  • What boundaries are important to each of us?
  • What joy/fun/play is important to each of us?
  • How do we like to receive acknowledgement and praise?
  • What things are big pet peeves or things that annoy us? (this signifies that personal values are being stepped on)
  • What are each of our personal values?
  • How does each of us like receiving feedback? (verbal, written, both)
  • When we are stressed or anxious, how can we support each other? 
  • What are our individual and collective goals?
  • Are there any topics we would be uncomfortable discussing? 
  • Besides designing our alliance, how will we know we can trust each other? What are the ingredients for building trust in this relationship?
    
    
    Check in regularly on your designed alliance
  • What is working? 
  • What is not working?
  • What do we need to change in order to make the relationship more effective or have more impact? 
  • What else has changed since we first designed our alliance?

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